Art Kavanagh

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Why feedback is never worthwhile

you probably don’t know how a failing employee (or infuriating husband, or whatever) could most effectively change. It’s an old cliche of marital advice that you should use “I-statements” rather than “you-statements”, telling the other person how their behaviour makes you feel, rather than attacking them for being selfish and incompetent … you’re a terrible judge of whether someone is selfish or incompetent. As Buckingham writes: “The only realm in which humans are an unimpeachable source of truth is that of their own feelings and experiences.”

Oliver Burkeman in the Guardian. This is why accusations of hypocrisy always make me uncomfortable. If people were better at detecting our own hypocrisy, I’d have more confidence in our ability to spot it in others.